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Few decisions weigh as heavily on parents as choosing who would raise their children if something happened to them. It's an uncomfortable thought, and one that many families avoid entirely. But naming a guardian isn't about dwelling on worst-case scenarios; it's about taking control and ensuring your children are cared for by someone you trust, someone who shares your values, and someone who is genuinely willing to carry the responsibility.
If you've been putting off this decision, you're not alone. Many parents struggle with guardian selection for months or even years. The good news? Once you work through the process, you'll feel an enormous sense of relief. This guide walks you through everything you need to consider when choosing a guardian for your children.
A guardian is the person who would step in to raise your children if they are left without their parents (whether because both parents passed away or are unable to care for them). This person takes on the day-to-day responsibilities of parenting: making decisions about education, healthcare, religious upbringing and general welfare.
It's important to understand that guardianship is different from managing your children's inheritance. The person who raises your kids (the guardian of the person) doesn't have to be the same person who manages their money (the trustee or guardian of the property). We'll touch on that distinction later.
Without a named guardian in your will, a court decides who raises your children. A judge, who has never met your family, would make this decision based on state law and whoever steps forward to petition for custody. This could lead to family disputes, delayed decisions, and outcomes you never would have chosen.
When evaluating potential guardians, consider these key factors:
Think about what matters most to you as a parent. How do you want your children to be raised? Consider your views on education, discipline, religion, screen time, extracurricular activities and family traditions. The ideal guardian doesn't need to parent exactly like you do, but their core values should align with yours.
Ask yourself: Would this person raise my children in a way that honors who we are as a family?
This might be the most overlooked factor. You should probably actually ask your potential guardians if they're willing to take on this responsibility. Some people you assume would say yes might hesitate, while others you hadn't considered might be honored and eager.
Have an honest conversation. Explain what you're asking and give them time to think it through. A reluctant guardian isn't a good guardian, no matter how perfect they seem on paper.
Consider the practical realities of your potential guardian's life:
Raising children is expensive. While your estate and life insurance can help cover costs, your guardian needs a baseline level of financial stability. They don't need to be wealthy, but they should be responsible with money and capable of managing a household budget.
Remember, you can leave resources specifically for your children's care. The guardian's job is to use those resources wisely, not necessarily to fund everything out of pocket.
Where does your potential guardian live? If they're across the country, your children would need to leave their school, friends and familiar surroundings during an already traumatic time. Proximity isn't everything, but it's worth weighing against other factors.
Some parents prioritize keeping children in their current community. Others prioritize the quality of the guardian relationship regardless of location. There's no right answer, just your answer.
Does your potential guardian already have a relationship with your kids? Children adjust better when they're going to someone they know and trust. Regular visits, video calls and family vacations can strengthen these bonds over time.
If your top choice doesn't know your children well, that's not a dealbreaker. But it's worth investing in building that relationship.
Don't name your sister as guardian just because she's your sister. Don't name your parents because you feel like you should. Choose the person who is genuinely best suited to raise your children, even if that means having awkward conversations with relatives who expected to be chosen. Also, don’t forget that no one is really “chosen” unless the worst-case scenario actually occurs.
Many parents name a married couple as co-guardians. But what happens if that couple divorces? Would you be comfortable with either person serving alone? If not, you might want to name just one person from the couple, or include language about what happens if their relationship ends. With Herbie, you’ll name a primary Guardian and then a backup Guardian.
Your first-choice guardian might not be able to serve when the time comes. They could have health issues, financial problems, or simply feel unable to take on the responsibility. It’s always good to name at least one alternate guardian.
The guardian you choose when your child is a newborn might not be the right choice when they're a teenager. Life changes. Review your guardian selection every few years or whenever there's a major life event.
Telling your sister over dinner that you'd want her to raise your kids isn't enough. Unless it's documented in a will (like those created with Herbie), it carries no weight. Courts don't honor verbal agreements or assumptions. You need to write it down.
Asking someone to be your child's guardian can feel awkward. Here's a simple approach:
Start with gratitude: "We've been thinking about who we'd trust most with the kids, and you're at the top of our list."
Be direct about what you're asking: "We'd like to name you as their guardian in our will. This would mean you'd raise them if something happened to both of us."
Give them an out: "We completely understand if this isn't something you can commit to. We'd rather you be honest with us than say yes out of obligation."
Discuss the practical details: Talk about your parenting values, your expectations and how you'd provide support through your estate.
Follow up: Give them time to think and talk with their own family before expecting a final answer.
Many parents assume the guardian will also manage their children's inheritance. While this can work, it doesn't have to.
A guardian (or, technically, the “guardian of the person”) handles the physical care and upbringing of your children. If you create a trust for the benefit of a minor child (which you can do with Herbie), then the trustee will manage the money and assets you leave behind for your child’s benefit.
Sometimes the best caregiver isn't the best money manager. Your free-spirited artist brother might be an incredible parent but terrible with finances. In that case, think about including a trust for your children. You might name your brother as guardian while naming your financially savvy cousin as trustee.
This arrangement creates accountability. The guardian requests funds from the trustee for the children's needs, and the trustee ensures the money is used appropriately. It's an extra layer of protection for your children's inheritance.
Choosing a guardian means nothing unless you document it properly. With Herbie, you can name your guardian in your last will and testament. This creates a legal record of your wishes that courts will turn to.
The process doesn't have to be complicated or expensive. With modern tools, you can create a legally valid will – including guardian designation – in less time than it takes to watch a movie.
Herbie makes this especially easy. Built by estate planning attorneys from top law firms, Herbie walks you through the guardian selection process step by step. You can name your guardian and backup guardian, specify your wishes and create a basic will for free. If your situation calls for more complete planning, such as a trust, you can upgrade to Herbie One for a comprehensive estate plan.
The platform saves your progress as you go, so you can think through your choices at your own pace. And because life changes, you can update your documents whenever you need to.
If you've been putting off this decision, here's your simple action plan:
Your children are counting on you to make this decision, even though they don't know it yet (and hopefully never need to). Taking action now is one of the most loving things you can do as a parent.
Ready to name your guardian and create your will? Get started with Herbie for free and complete your estate plan in minutes.
